The Frum Rules:
The Fun, User-Friendly, Definitive Girl's Guide to Shidduchim
By Estee Stimler

Are you a frum Jewish single woman looking for to get married? This user-friendly, definitive guide on Jewish dating & shidduchim is for you with practical advice, chizuk, and humor.

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As frum Jews we are well aware that the only “rules” that we must adhere to are the 613 mitzvos in the Torah. So, although I organized this guidebook in the form of a set of rules, please view them as “strong suggestions,” not as a set of laws.

Also, please forgive me if certain rules are written tongue in cheek. I am aware that the shidduch parashah is a very serious one, but sometimes ideas are more palatable with humor.

Why You Need to Read The Frum Rules

The difference between the attitudes of frum Yidden and the secular world is exemplified in each of their attitudes towards dating. In the secular world, dating is seen primarily as a means of having a good time. If the dating couple is lucky, dating might ultimately lead to having a long-standing relationship that may or may not include marriage and children. In fact, it is a well-known generalization in the secular world that if a girl mentions marriage to a boy she has dated four or five times, it is the quickest and surest method of scaring the boy away for good.

The frum dating scene is not as ambiguous. We all know the purpose of our lives is to try to create a bayis ne’eman beYisrael and hopefully have children who are yirei shamayim and busy with Torah and mitzvos.

Therefore, frum dating serves a function: It facilitates our ultimate goal of marriage and children. It is not an end in itself; rather it is a means to an end.

Now, here’s the point that I want to make very clear: I know that you know (that you know that I know…) that frum dating differs from secular dating. Right? Right.

So will someone please answer this question for me:

Why are so many frum girls’ attitudes towards dating more in line with the secular way of thinking than with the frum way of thinking?

Why do so many frum girls:

1. Expect to be hit by a bolt of lightening when they meet their basherte?

2. Think that dating should be natural and they can look and behave as if they are with people they’ve known their entire lives?

3. Think that if a boy looks good, he probably is?

I hope that this guidebook will dispel those misconceptions and show that frum dating is done modestly, with decorum, and most importantly, with open eyes.

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